It’s Clarissa here again. I hope you are all having a fab old time!
Today’s post follows on from similar recent posts regarding self-love, particularly when faced with a down vibe from others.
Sometimes those around us can be a teeny bit negative, and self-deprecating. By this I mean they put themselves down, either due to a negative outlook, or to simply create conversation. This isn’t helpful because the more we surround ourselves with this kind of attitude, the more we will start to over-analyse ourselves, and if this starts to upset you WE ARE NOT HERE FOR IT...
So here are my top tips on how I stay self-loving when faced with deprecating comments. Enjoy!
1. Stop putting yourself down to create conversation:
So, often in uncomfortable social situations (that’s spoons session with your middle-aged colleagues with who you have 0.000005 things in common), people can start to self-deprecate, simply to create conversation. You know the drill; they moan, they self-deprecate, they moan some more, they self-deprecate...it’s not what we are about, especially because we don’t want to start believing these thoughts on a subconscious level!
My advice for you is to be the positive person in the room in situations like these. Change the conversation into a positive, fun, and inspiring one. Highlight all of the wonderful things in the world and show appreciation for people and admiration for their positive qualities. Try and reframe the conversation to discuss topics that interest you and where you can have discussions with others to learn new perspectives.
Think about it this way, if you’ve discussed topics which interest you and which make you feel good, and people still aren’t getting on board, do you even want to be having a conversation with them anyway? The answer is probably no, so just don’t put yourself through it!
It’s your life, you do you; sprinkle positivity everywhere, and we are here for the people that want to hear it!
2. Be your authentic self:
It may be difficult to think about it at the time, but when others are putting you down, try and keep your core values and what YOU believe to be true at the forefront of your mind.
Remind yourself of what you stand for when others are saying mean things about you, which may be ‘just for banter’. Think about what you want to achieve and how you will get there if you focus on values important to you. Think about things that make you happy and people you care about, and remember the importance of those things in your life in comparison to this conversation.
By focusing on your core values and what makes you authentically happy, your brain will be too occupied thinking about the exciting potentials that lie ahead rather than focusing on silly comments!
3. Focus on experiences to you, for you, from you:
Okay, so now that we have decided that we are only standing for supportive boss vibe conversations, and the self-deprecating chat is out the window, we need to start focusing on experiences that make us happy and which will help us embrace self-care.
Without getting too deep, I used to feel like I had an image to uphold (perhaps to stop people talking in a deprecating way about me, maybe?). I felt like I had to be the girl who could juggle everything; the difficult degree, the athleticism, the poppin’ social life, slaying the dating game whilst partying AND getting an adequate amount of sleep, and taking care of my skin with a 10/10 skincare routine. Well, guess what, I got tired. And it wasn’t fun. In reality, I never slept, I never took care of myself and I just wasn’t living my best life.
Sometimes it can take a very long time to establish what you enjoy doing but start now. Take some time to think about it. It can be as simple as having lye in on a Sunday with a cup of tea and a biscuit, or it can be as drastic as running an ultra-marathon. Do what YOU enjoy.
By prioritising activities for you, you will start to glow from within, and this will be noticed and hopefully rub off a little on the pessimistic folk.
4. Your vibe attracts your tribe:
Finally, I’m ending on something I say a lot, but it holds true. You cant always surround yourself with who you want to I.e. in the context of work or family events, but in some circumstances you can, YOU have control.
When it comes to friendships I strongly believe that you should surround yourself with a true positive power squad who can sit with you eating a tub of ice-cream crying together watching Bridget Jones, but at the same time making you feel like you are living your absolute best life and you will smash all of your goals.
These people should bring out your happiest qualities and YOU choose who you can have around. So why not surround yourself with like-minded individuals when possible? The more you surround yourself with people who share your values and thoughts, the more they will become engrained in your everyday life.
So, let's surround ourselves with lovely people who will help us get that subconscious self-love going without us even realising (and create fun memories at the same time)!
There we go, team. I hope you’ve enjoyed this read and I hope you can remember how amazing you are when others aren’t there to think so doubtlessly. If you ever feel as though you need to talk to anyone about how you are feeling, please feel free to pop us an email!
Can't wait for you to read our next post!
Lots of love,